Chapter 6 Paris

1:13 AM

Being too confident in any profession is a mistake easy to make and far too often made by many. Leaving tools in the patient’s body after sewing the last stitch, persuading the class of thirty children that there’s a spelling mistake in a correct word, overtaking at the wrong place by the most experienced driver and adding sugar to the pot with boiled potatoes by the most respected chef. You learn from your mistakes and these tend to humiliate you.

Robert Rej didn’t have fear of foreign places, even though he didn’t speak any French and neither did he speak English, even though he tried to learn the basics with Lena’s help. He was convinced that by using maps he was able to find himself anywhere, he was sure that by asking people for directions in the simple language of names and gestures he could always find his way around. On average, that was true: he usually managed and occasionally helped himself with Russian and German, both of which he could speak apart from his native Polish.

The flight from Warsaw to Paris wasn’t too long and tiring. He soon arrived at Paris Metro and found himself in the complicated labyrinth of stations, corridors, and staircases. There was something which reminded Robert of Warsaw when he strolled the streets of Paris in search of the address he was given by Adam Fabjan. Both cities were in dirty shades, Warsaw - gray, Paris - white, which made both metropolis equally gloomy, crowded and concrete. The aura of two monsters was so overwhelming that to maintain the pleasure of simple things in life both creatures were heading towards fashion and food. Warsaw took many influences from Paris and there were many Warsaw citizens who were besotted with French history, culture, music, and literature; several French bistros and restaurants being an inseparable part of Warsaw’s city charm. Paris was stylish and sophisticated. Old buildings of French achievements of architecture, which Robert was passing along the way, reminded him of the area in which he lived, having been blessed by aunt Teresa’s gift. Old and new, historic and modern. Soon he found the address in the Belleville district of Paris and made a call to his client to confirm that he reached his destination.

Adam Fabjan opened the door to a modestly furnished studio flat, which had all the essentials: a small bathroom and an equally small kitchen. There was also a balcony, which overlooked neighboring buildings and made Robert feel like he was taking part in a trip, which he honestly deserved. Adam Fabjan left him all pictures that he was in possession of, all addresses that were known to him and all people that were his and Alicia’s friends when they were still married.

‘There’s food in the fridge and some crackers and chocolate bars in the cupboards. The shop is a few blocks away. I left you money on the table for day-to-day expenses. There’s also a public transport ticket and a small French dictionary with basic expressions if you had problems with communication.’

‘You’re very thoughtful.’

‘I have to be. It’s my job to control if everything is in order. Also, I emigrated here myself. I remember all the steps that I took. The first step was spending countless hours with Alicia, trying to be fluent in French. I suppose you will skip that part.’

‘I already have a friend who laughs at my level of English. Not everybody is going to be a polyglot.’

Adam Fabjan wished Robert a nice stay and disappeared to work, adding before he left:

‘Listen, Robert, it’s my private matter. My wife doesn’t know about it. I divorced Alicia years ago. My wife would be jealous and insecure. So if you don’t mind being discreet about this case, I’d be grateful. Call when I’m at work. You’ll be another business deal with which I have to deal.’

Robert nodded in understanding. Adam Fabjan left the keys on the chest of drawers and left the flat.

It was a peaceful evening. Robert spread all pictures on the table willing to spend some time on a thorough character analysis of Alicia. He opened a bottle of wine, put biscuits on the tray, put his phone on the table, took the towel from the suitcase and went to the bathroom. It was relaxing to use the water from the hot shower, knowing that he was hundreds of kilometers away from Lena, Anton, Edward (with the addition of Kit-Kat and Rebeka), hundreds of kilometers from Warsaw, his flat and his usual business duties.

He turned down the stream of water and tried to get out of the shower. He placed his foot on the floor, trying to locate the slipper. When his second foot touched the floor, he felt the known helplessness of losing one’s balance. In a second, he grabbed the doorknob to keep himself in the standing position, but the doorknob was loose and it couldn’t stand Robert’s body weight. There was a second of uncertainty, after which there was a crack and Robert slipped on the slippery floor and, still holding the doorknob in his hand, fell on the floor with a bang.

The situation was looking accordingly: the doorknob was separated from the door, while the joint that made it possible to close and open the door was hidden inside the door, impossible to be pulled even a millimeter. The door was shut close. Robert stood there with only a towel hiding an enormous bruise, which was slowly appearing on his bottom, numbing him with pain and flooding his skin with a terrible black color of beaten blood. In the bathroom, there was nothing except a shower cabin, a toilet, and a little sink. For over thirty minutes, he tried somehow to open the door, but it all failed, again and again, making his body weaker from the effort he put into the process of banging his body into the door.

He sat on the toilet desk, trying to regain his strength, but soon he felt that his bottom was beginning to sore, making it impossible to sit down.

‘Help!’, he started silently, but it sounded so ridiculous in a closed flat, surrounded by thick walls. There was no one who could hear him and no one who could understand him. He had no idea how to scream for help in French. At least he had water and a toilet. His body fat would keep him alive. There was also light, so he wouldn’t die as quickly as the fate wanted him to kick the bucket. If there was a bathtub, he could sleep inside on the towel, having at least some imitation of a bed. If he had the phone, he could phone Adam Fabjan for help. Finally, if he had the phone, he could call Lena and, by telling what had happened to him, he would cause in her a laughter attack, which would definitely make her day. This laughter would also make him feel comforted, even though she would definitely mock him for days. He could already imagine her being forced to leave everything and come to Paris to rescue him just like a year ago she had been forced to go to Berlin. The problem was that Paris was much further away.

Robert looked around the bathroom. He tried to regain the remains of cold blood and reason. How could he escape the impossible, knowing that he had nothing apart from the towel, slippers and a bottle of shower gel? Soon the solution came to him on its own. The bathroom door had a plastic transparent window, which, with an effort, could be pushed outside to make a decent fifty square centimeter hole in the door. Robert needed to use the shower handle to actually crack the plastic. When the shower was destroyed, he used the shower gel bottle. He also helped himself with the slipper, when the bottle cracked and started spilling shower gel on the floor. When the hole was ready, Robert found himself trying to squeeze his body through the window just as Jim Carrey once squeezed himself out of the ass of a rhino in the second part of Ace Ventura. And when he was almost stuck in between the door, his penis dangling between his knees, his own ass in a terrifying shade of purple and black, blocking his passage between the door window, as his hips seemed to be too wide, he realized that in this horizontal position he was looking at the second part of the doorknob, clearly below him, this time unbroken. He reached his hand and, in relief, he opened the door and freed himself from the bathroom prison.